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Reflections & Resolutions: 2017/2018
12:37 PMHere's what I want to remember about 2017:
2017 was without a doubt a year of change.
On one hand, this year humbled the fuck out of me. The first three months, as difficult as they were, are something I can't forget. I started off the year balancing on a pedestal of false stability, and I lost myself while using all my energy holding together what had already fallen apart months before. In March, I broke out of a serious relationship, attended my last undergrad class and graduated from uni, packed up the last few years of my life and moved back in with my parents, all within 4 days. It was rough for me, to say the least. Suddenly, I was living under my parents' roof and rules again, unemployed, brokenhearted and living a level of a loneliness I didn't know existed.
I was a little worried about the loss of independence every post-grad friend of mine had warned me against when moving back home, but this change turned out to be exactly what I needed. In the end, I actually found my independence that I didn't realize I lost in the first place. This knockdown gave me the push forward I needed in order to leave behind everything I let hinder my growth, and I was finally able to rediscover what life is like when you live for your own happiness rather than for others'.
Since then, I've learned to empower myself. I've started unapologetically saying yes to what I've been wanting to say yes to, saying no to who and what I've been dying to deny, and most importantly leaving behind the toxicity I tied myself down to for way too long. I've been saying yes to those "guilty pleasures" that were "guilty" in my head only because everyone around me considered it so, and I've never felt more like myself. This year, I found my voice.
I took a leap of faith and let go of toxic relationships around me in order to make room for the changes I needed for myself. I finally saw my surroundings for what they were, realized my core values, and learned (the hard way) why it's so important to hold these values close to my heart now more than ever. I realized the difference between what I truly valued and what I valued only because other people did, and it helped me let go of a lot of unnecessary negativity and anxiety. I was able to forgive myself for things I'm not proud of, something that months ago I never thought I could have accomplished.
2017 was the year I healed, progressed and did everything the old me was afraid of.
I met a ton of new genuine friends and reconnected with a lot of old ones. I went out on one-on-one's with new friends (old me would never do this), on dates with complete strangers (again, old me would never) and connected with people I never expected I would have things in common with. I also met a ton of caring and motivating Instagram friends and gym friends this year. I rekindled my friendship with my childhood best friend who helped me remember who I was after I lost sight of myself.
I rediscovered my passion for health and fitness (true fitness, not the pseudo- eat a bunch of fruit and juice all your meals fitspo of my past). I took myself closer to my goals - I braved my gym anxiety and got a gym membership, I learned how to meal prep, I took the 'Before' photos I've been afraid of taking, and I've documented my progress since. I'm the most confident and comfortable in my skin that I've felt in years.
I also rebranded and relaunched my blog, and got a real camera, all of which pushed me to continue my goal of trying new things and taking more risks. The camera got me out of the house to explore new photo ops, and my blog got me to write about my experiences and spark my passion for writing that I put on the back-burner with all the stress from college. I started making it a point to go out more often, even if it meant a beach day by myself, going to the movie theater alone, or treating myself to some dessert shop over an hour away that I've been wanting to try, or a few hours of blogging at a new cafe every week. I even became a known "regular" at one of the bars I frequent (still haven't decided if that's a good or bad thing).
Most importantly, I rediscovered the strength and self-confidence I've desperately been searching within myself for the past 3 years. My whole life I've been told, "put yourself first, in the end, you're all you've got," but this year was the year I actually wanted to put myself first. This year's events pushed me to find the confidence I needed to stand on my own and choose me.
I surprised myself with what I accomplished and made it through; a year ago I couldn't even imagine being where I'm at now. I threw myself into new situations and opened up a door to everything I've been missing out on, and I can't wait to keep exploring.
Anyways, I've decided 2018 will be my year. Here are my goals:
1. Act with purpose. I'm trying to cut down on impulse and put a little more thought into my choices. (Asking myself, "What is this doing for me right now? How is this bringing me closer to where I need to be?")
2. Expand my comfort zone
3. Prioritize myself, remember my standards
4. Drop my ego and be more true and present to the moment
5. Meet more genuine friends
6. Drink less and quit smoking. My liver cries out to me while my skin wrinkles a little more every day. I need to detox so I can live this beautiful life a little longer.
7. Overall, be more wholesome
Nearly everyone I know had a tough 2017 in some way or another, but I can feel it - 2018 will be our year. Cheers to the glow up, I can't wait for everything 2018 has in store for us!
xx,
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